6.1.5. Calibration

Calibration in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) refers to the ability to pay attention to and respond to the signals another person sends through their behaviour, language and body language. It involves carefully observing and interpreting these signals to understand the other person’s state, mindset and emotions. Calibration is essential for effective communication and relationship building.

Here are some key aspects of calibration:

Observation: Calibration begins with mindful observation of the other person’s verbal and non-verbal cues. This can include posture, facial expressions, tone of voice, language use, breathing, and other behavioural traits.

Detecting Difference: This is about paying attention to any changes in the other person’s behaviour or state. This can provide insight into how the person reacts to different stimuli or situations.

Flexibility: Calibration also involves being flexible and adjusting your own behaviour based on the signals you pick up. This can help create more positive and productive communication.

Understanding Underlying Emotions: Beyond simply detecting superficial behavioural changes, calibration also seeks to understand the underlying emotions or thought processes that may be influencing a person’s behaviour.

Application in Communication: Calibration can be useful in many contexts, such as in professional relationships, coaching, or conflict management. By being calibrated, you can adapt your communication to meet the other person’s needs and create a more harmonious interaction.

Calibration requires practice and attention to detail. It’s a skill that can improve communication skills and strengthen relationships with others by creating a deeper understanding of their experience and perspective.

6.1.6 Mirror/Match
“Mirror and Match” are fundamental techniques in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) that involve aligning one’s behaviour, language and body language to create harmony and connection with another person. These techniques are often used in coaching, communication and relationship building situations. Here’s an explanation of both:

Mirroring: Mirroring involves matching the other person’s behaviour or body language in a subtle way. This can include mimicking the other person’s gestures, facial expressions, breathing, or even the tone and speed of their speech. The purpose of mirroring is to create a sense of connection and mutual understanding. When people notice someone mirroring their own behaviour, it can help establish trust and create a connection.

Matching: Matching extends beyond copying body language and gestures to include matching language, tone of voice and pace. It involves being aware of and adapting to the other person’s communication style. The purpose of matching is to create a sense of harmony and to facilitate better communication. When two people communicate in a way that feels natural and harmonious to both parties, it can help create a positive and collaborative atmosphere.

Both mirroring and matching are tools that can be used to create and maintain connection with others, but they should be used with care and honesty. Misuse of these techniques, especially if perceived as manipulative, can have negative consequences. However, used in an ethical and respectful way, mirroring and matching can be useful in many social and professional contexts. See also section 6.1.8. on Rapport.

6.1.7 Pace & lead
“Pace and Lead” are terms in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and they refer to a communication technique that aims to create and maintain a harmonious connection with another person by matching and then leading their behaviour or state. These techniques are often used in coaching, leadership, sales and other situations where effective communication is essential.

Pace: To “pace” means to match or mirror the other person’s behaviour, language, body language or breathing. This can help establish trust and connection by creating a sense of community and understanding. When pacing, try to be in tune with the other person’s verbal and non-verbal cues. For example, if the person speaks slowly, uses certain words or moves in a certain way, you will try to match these elements in your own behaviour.

Lead: To “lead” means to take the initiative to change or direct the other person’s behaviour or state. Once an effective connection has been established through pacing, you can gradually begin to introduce changes to influence the direction of the conversation or situation. This can be done by changing your own behaviour in a way that inspires or guides the other person to follow suit. For example, you can change the pace of your speech or change your posture to positively influence the other person.

In summary, “Pace and Lead” is a process where you first establish a connection by matching the other person’s behaviour (pacing) and then gradually lead them in a desired direction. It’s important to pay attention to the other person’s response and adjust your approach accordingly for effective communication. Communication becomes a “dualistic dance” between Pace and Lead.

6.1.8 Rapport
In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), rapport plays a central role in communication and interaction between people. Rapport refers to the harmonious connection and understanding that occurs between two or more people. It is the ability to build trust, create a sense of belonging and establish effective communication.

Rapport is important because it allows us to establish a connection and create a respectful and trusting environment where people can feel open and willing to share their thoughts, feelings and ideas.

To achieve rapport, it’s helpful to be aware of the following principles and techniques:

Body language awareness and physical alignment: By observing and matching the other person’s body language and gestures, we can signal that we are attentive and engaged in the conversation. It’s important to pay attention to subtle cues and mirror the other person’s body language in an authentic and respectful way.

Voice matching and tonal adaptation: We can match the other person’s voice tone, tempo and rhythm to create harmony and connection. This involves paying attention to the other person’s voice and adapting our own voice to match and mirror it.

Language adaptation and pacing: By adapting our language and speaking style to the other person’s preferences, we can create better understanding and communication. This may involve using similar word choice, pace or tone of voice as the other person.

Active listening and empathy: Being an active listener and showing empathy is essential to achieving rapport. This involves being present, focusing on the other person’s perspective and showing genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings.

Flexibility and adaptation: Rapport is also about being flexible and adapting to the other person’s communication style and preferences. This can mean changing our approach or language to meet the other person’s needs and connect better.

Attention to response: Our response to the other person’s communication is crucial to maintaining and improving rapport. It’s important to be responsive and adjust our behaviour and communication based on the other person’s reactions and needs.

When we achieve rapport, it creates an atmosphere of trust and co-operation that can improve communication, reduce conflict and increase the effectiveness of our interactions with others.

Conclusion: Rapport is a key component of NLP and a tool that can improve our ability to connect and communicate with others. By paying attention to body language, voice matching, linguistic alignment, active listening and flexibility, we can build and maintain a strong rapport.

This ability to connect will not only benefit our personal and professional relationships, but also contribute to our own personal growth and development.

6.1.9 Eye Access
NLP Eye Access is a model that focuses on the connection between eye movements and our thinking and representation of information. According to this model, we can observe and interpret a person’s eye movements to gain insight into how they process and represent information in their mind.

This approach is based on the fact that our eyes move in certain ways depending on the representation system we use to think and process information. By observing a person’s eye movements, we can get an idea of which representational system they primarily use.

According to the NLP Eye Access model, there are general patterns that can be associated with specific representational systems:

When a person looks upwards with their eyes, it can indicate that they are engaged in visual thinking and representing information in images or visual representations.
When a person looks straight ahead or in a horizontal direction, it may indicate that they are engaged in auditory thinking, representing information through sounds and inner dialogue.
When a person looks downward with their eyes, it may indicate that they are engaged in kinaesthetic thinking, representing information through body sensations and emotions.
It is important to note that NLP Eye Access is an observation and a tool to understand a person’s thinking and representation. It is an important part of NLP’s broader approach to communication, leadership and personal development.

By paying attention to a person’s eye movements, a communicator or leader can become more aware of which representational system they primarily use and adapt their communication accordingly. This can contribute to better understanding, effective communication and more meaningful interactions with other people. Figure: Eye Access